ejournal - it's amazing, the thoughts that run through my head

December 31st, 2002

Year of Change
I like to label and classify eras, seasons, and especially years (I also do the same thing to people, but that's a different story.) I settled on labeling 2002 as The Year of Change. I enjoy writing about the year in a sort of negative holiday-year-in-review. I got away from doing this recently but I can recall the classification of some recent years.
1995 - The Golden Year, 1996 - The Year of tragedy, 1997 - The Year of Redemtion, 1998 - Let Down, 1999 - Shattered Dreams

I almost wanted to refer to this year as the year of ignorance, but year of change is appropriate. Where do I begin? It has been a year in which people and their locations have changed frequently. My friends and acquaintances have spread out, and it would seem many people had not only spread out, but also had spread themselves thin.
It was a year in which my contempt for fellow man reached insurmountable heights. "I put my faith in the people, but the people let me down..." The new century and the year 2002 only reminded me that things just ain't what they used to be. I recognize a lack of effort from society resulting in a diminished quality of things in general.
Drivers locked in metal coffins riding down superhighways arriving at home hours later only to turn on the idiot box and fantasize about an false, idealized world. Convenience stores becoming less convenient as you stand behind some some idiot paying for a snickers bar with a debit card. It would only take a minute or so, but he can't remember his fucking pin #. He could simply finish the transaction by credit, but it seems he has misplaced his $6.99 purple Gel-Pen. A cashier forces a receipt into my hand for a 50 cent newspaper, yet at the drive thru I have to beg for ketchup for my fucking french fries.
I guess it is a year of ignorance. The news calls for 3 inches of snow and fat house wives rush the stores for 4 cartons of milk and 6 loaves of bread.
I seek solice in the record store but can't find any James Taylor Cd's because the idiot clerk had filed them under 'J' for James rather than 'T' for Taylor.
The movie industry puts out warnings about copying DVD's but the stores push the sale of DVD/VCR combo machines.
The actions of terrorists and snipers make citizens act kinder towards one another in the face of tragedy and adversity, only to go back to hating one another in a few weeks once the novelty of 'kindness' wears off.
And our leaders come up with a plan called homeland protection. How can we protect our citizens from foreigners when we can't even protect our citizens from other citizens.

I focused on myself this year in an effort to improve the quality of my life and in an effort to have a better existence in the future. This year was a journey self-discovery, determination and free-thinking. It was a year when I combined improving myself and focusing on the self while still appreciating friends and family, and ultimately establishing peaceful, spiritual, and stable attitude and state of mind.
I found myself longing for more this year and rejecting complacency. I realize it's important to avoid becoming stagnant and to keep my body, mind, and spirit in constant motion.
Steve Perry and Journey put it all into perspective for me, Don't Stop Believin'-Hold on to that feeling and The Wheel in the Sky keeps on turning-I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
-Zosie

December 30th, 2002

I Am A Rock

A winter's day, in a deep and dark December
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.

I am a rock, I am an island.

I've built walls, A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate,
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain
It's laughter and loving I disdain

I am a rock, I am an island

Don't talk of love, but I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber of the feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried

I am a rock, I am an island

I have my books, and my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armour
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb,
I touch no one and no one touches me.

I am a rock, I am an island
And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.
Simon & Garfunkel - I Am A Rock

December 26th, 2002

Happy Boxing Day
Happy Boxing Day to Canadians and those in the U.K. My annual tradition of not working on the day after Christmas continues. This year I was fortunate to be off on the 24th, 25th, and the 26th, joy!
Also I present the most annoying midi in the world. It's not hard to do, just find an annoying song and the midi version will not be far off. Eventually I may do the worst midi of the month, but for now I'll just have the most annoying midi to date.
Paul McCartney - Silly Love Songs
-Zosie

December 25th, 2002

Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to all my fans out there on the information superhighway. This holiday season is quickly flying by. For me, it has been one of the most enjoyable and peaceful holiday seasons in recent memory. I have been able to spend time with almost all of my friends and family this season. Today I relaxed and exchanged gifts with my family. I will now retire to my favorite chair and watch A Christmas Story while the air is filled with the rich aroma of my beautiful white pine. I hope everyone has Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
-Zosie

December 24th, 2002

Same Olde Lang Syne

Met my old lover in the grocery store, the snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods, and I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at first but then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse , and we laughed until we cried

We took her groceries to the checkout stand, the food was totalled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment as the conversation dragged
We went to have ourselves a drink or two, but couldn't find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store and we drank it in her car

We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness, but neither one knew how

She said she'd married her an architect, who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man, but she didn't like to lie
I said the years had been a friend to her, and that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw doubt or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record stores, and that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly, but the traveling was hell

We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness, but neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence, we drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence, another 'auld lang syne'

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired, and running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out, and I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back at school, and felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home, the snow turned into rain...
Dan Fogelberg - Same Olde Lang Syne

-Zosie

December 18th, 2002

Lord of the Rings
I made a trip to B-more and got some cold, hard cash for useless textbooks today. After being raped by the bookstore I went to Arundel Mills Mall for a few misc. Christmas items where once again I would be pounded up the ass, hard, this time by the traffic and crowds. Later on in the evening I went to see Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. A great film filled with epic battle scenes and stunning visual effects, "it's amazing what they can do with computers today."
I had just watched the Extended version of Fellowship of the Ring recently and I had one problem with it. You got this got Frodo who takes on the awesome responsibility of bearing the ring. A fellowship of different individuals rallies around him to lend support for this arduous task. He has this long journey and heavy burden on his shoulders, and these guys can't even buy him a pair of shoes. What's up with that?! Hook a brother up with some kicks, get this dude some keds or lugz or something, please.
-Zosie

December 15th, 2002

Before and After
They did it, they fucking did it. I got up at 6 am today on Sunday 12/15 to witness the formentioned implosion of the Cap Centre. They 'brought the house down' shortly after 8am and a mass exodus of Landover began as crowds of citizens ran from the cloud of dust. People started laughing and pointing once the dust settled because behind stood FedEx Field big and bold. Blame it all on Snyder...
I was able to film it with my video camera and get a few nice pics with my Nikon. See the link below for my 3 part progression of destruction.
Capital Centre/USAir Arena 1973-2002
My friend Marty got off an entire roll of film with his professional camera in a 15 second window, impressive, most impressive. I hope to make a slide show from the pictures he took. Afterwards we went to a computer show in Upper Marlboro and then sleep, precious sleep.
-Zosie

December 12th, 2002

Crossroads
I finished my final exams today, and I did well. I took care of my final tasks for the school year and treated myself to an evening of Christmas shopping at Arundel Mills Mall, oh the terror of the crowds. As if the mall was not big enough, they are putting up shopping centers outside of it. I would complain, but they added a Chick-Fil-A outside of the mall and a few other places of interest. They even added a "As Seen on TV" store inside the mall, isn't that veird!!
As I reflect on this semester, I am pleased with the outcome. The semester, and the year for that matter, ended on a high note. Sometimes the first two months of the year are great and then I get let down as it all eventually goes to hell. But this year was the opposite. It started out rough, but became better as it went on, with a few bumps in the road here and there.
It's funny how you can't wait for the school year to be over so you can just be done with it, and then when it's over you want it back. The same can be said of the holiday season. Now comes the change of being on break and the challenges that lie ahead next year.
I learned alot this year. Switching gears here I must point out some of the interesting names of roads I've seen in the Baltimore/Howard County areas this year. Here are a few names of these roads:
Coca Cola Dr., Johhny Cake Rd., The Snowden River PKWY (where is the Snowden River??), Phelps Luck Dr., Quilting Bee Rd., Deer Season Run, Twenty Year Chas., Quiet Times Rd., Deep Earth Ln., and my personal favorite: Dried Earth Blvd!
I had to drive down 'Dried Earth Blvd'. I expected some post-apocalyptic environment. Dust storms and nomads, kids speaking in Australian accents, Tina Turner singing, "We Don't Need Another Hero..." All I got was town houses and sidewalks, trees and swingsets. My imagination gets the best of me...
-Zosie

December 9th, 2002

The Capital Centre 1973-2002

End of an era. On Monday 12/09/02 the news announced that the USAir Arena formerly known as the Capital Centre will be imploded on Sunday, December 15th, 2002 in the morning, please make a note of it. It was funny because my friend Marty and I had just discussed this recently.
It's an interesting building, suspension cables spanning across holding up the roof. The roof is shaped like a giant pringle. It's small and local, just the way I like it!
Ancient cultures built arenas and coliseums and these structures were used and venerated. They lasted at least until war or the environment took their toll. We keep our arenas and coliseums around for about 30-40 years.
I drove by the arena on the beltway on the way to school today. It has been stripped down to virtually nothing, just a skeleton. It is being demolished to make way for another strip mall/shopping center because we just don't have enough of those. Heaven forbid you would have to drive an extra 10 minutes out of the way to go shopping these days.
This is just another example of something being pushed aside for progress. I only mention it because I have fond memories of this place. Washington Bullets and Capitals played there. I Graduated High School there. I even saw my first WWF wrestling event there.
So to Manute Bol, The class of 95, and Vince McMahon, this bud's for you.
-Zosie

December 9th, 2002

Hard to Say

Dan Fogelberg Fans.com (the site formerly known as DanFogelbergNet)
"Your online source for everything Dan Fogelberg" -I'm not kidding, this exists.
-Zosie

December 8th, 2002

Last Christmas

Last Christmas I gave you my heart, But the very next day you gave it away
This year, To save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy, I keep my distance, But you still catch my eye
Tell me baby, Do you recognize me? Well, It's been a year, It doesn't surprise me

(Happy Christmas), I wrapped it up and sent it, With a note saying "I love you", I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been, But if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day you gave it away
This year, To save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special

A crowded room, Friends with tired eyes, I'm hiding from you, And your soul of ice
My god I thought you were someone to rely on, Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day you gave it away
This year, To save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man under cover buy you tore him apart
Maybe next year I'll give it to someone
I'll give it to someone special
Wham - Last Christmas

-Zosie

December 5th, 2002

Wintry Mix

This reminds me of when you go to the beach and write goofy stuff in the sand. It also reminds me of when I was in the 10th grade and I spent hours in the snow sculpting a kneeling female nude out of snow in my front for the whole neighborhood to see. It was a fairly realistic representation of the female form. If the snow-woman was not made of snow, but of some other material, it may have rested in my front yard indefinitely. Would it then be an installation piece or a sculpture? I think I'm gonna look into purchasing some marble next week...
-Zosie

December 5th, 2002

"I don't know Clarence, Doctor Zhivago's a pretty big movie"

Greetings from Windbrook and the Southern Maryland Forest.
It was an evening I spent with the snow! As my semester at UMBC winds down, I left work on Thursday night and drove home in the middle of a snow storm. For once the 'meteorologists' got it right, six inches of snow fell in the DC area. I had little desire to get up at 8am today and drive to Baltimore County. Instead, I slept in and spent some time at home. I went outside late in the afternoon to prance around this winter wonderland. I hiked down the thirty foot cliff to the Piscataway Stream Creek Valley behind my house. I spend some time taking pictures and exploring the forest valley as I had when I was young. What a glorious landscape. I was alone at dusk, under gray, overcast skies, and surrounded by the cold emptyness of the black and white landscape. Staying home from school on a snow day and playing around in the woods took me back to my childhood. It's nice once in a while to break out from behind a desk and return to ordinary, youthful pleasures.
-Zosie

December 1st, 2002

Rip Current
The years seem to go by so quickly. I want to say time flies when you're have fun but I'm not having that much fun. Maybe it's because we get older every year and don't experience life the way we used to, we stop seeing things from young eyes and from a young perspective. As we get older, experiences become mostly commonplace and redundant. When you're an adolescent, everything is so fresh, all territories seem new. As an adult it's just the same old song...
Experience and wisdom help you grow as an individual. I have changed, learned, and grown as an individual this year. I like to refer to one lesson I learned this year as Rip Current. In a rip current, the ocean has a virtual river sucking you out to sea. A reverse current that is only about 10-20 feet wide. A thin section of the water is like a tractor beam. Instinct tells you to keep swimming forward, but this river-like current is usually too overwhelming. You exhaust yourself to move forward, but then find yourself quickly moving back. It's one step forward and two steps back.
That's how my life had felt for awhile. I kept ramming forward only to find myself constantly falling behind. In a rip current, the best way to move forward is to swim sideways (horizontally). Once you swim north or south and break free of the vertical pull, you get out of the narrow river-like current and you can then calmly return in a normal pace.
This year I learned how to pace myself. I learned how to get my priorities straight and make progress. I learned how important it is to avoid getting caught in the current and thus get caught falling behind. Sometimes in life you have to swim sideways to move forward.
-Zosie

Wham - Last Christmas

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